Domestic abuse during the euros

Posted on

With England reaching the finals of the Euros, it is a time of celebration for many people up and down the country. However, for those who are in an abusive relationship, it can feel even more isolating, and it may be more difficult to admit to being unhappy or fearful when others around you are caught up in the celebrations.

Sadly, during big football tournaments, statistics show that there is an increase in reports of domestic abuse and therefore an increased risk to victims.

But, what is domestic abuse? What are the signs?

Domestic abuse is more than just physical abuse and includes the following behaviour - psychological, verbal, emotional abuse, manipulation, threats, gaslighting, love bombing, financial abuse, sexual abuse, stalking, and harassment. Many victims feel that the abuse “isn’t that bad” because there may be no physical violence involved, but the effects of emotional abuse can be just as severe.

Are you experiencing domestic abuse or, do you think you could be? Do you know someone you think may be suffering from abuse or, you think you might become subjected to domestic abuse during this period?

Anyone can experience domestic abuse and it may not be obvious to people outside the immediate relationship. There are however some common (but often subtle) signs that you can be aware of when seeking to support family, friendship groups or colleagues.

  • Are they ‘attached at the hip’ with their significant other who always invites themselves along to social events and meet ups?
  • Are they constantly checking their phone/on the phone and receiving calls and messages from their partner?
  • Have you noticed someone you know who seems different or ‘on edge’ around their partner?
  • Has someone around you recently begun a new relationship that has moved extremely quickly, and something feels off?
  • Is a partner of someone you know showing signs of jealousy or possessiveness?
  • Have you noticed their partner often puts them down?
  • Have you noticed explosive, unpredictable behaviour from their partner?
  • Has someone you know recently got into a relationship and become a shell of their former self? Perhaps they have gone from being outgoing and full of confidence, to seeming on edge and withdrawn.
  • Has someone around you hinted at possible abuse but you haven’t wanted to be intrusive?

If any of these statements ring alarm bells you may want to provide help and support but not know what to do for the best. It can be hard to know how to support someone experiencing domestic abuse; your first instinct may be to protect them, but this can be more dangerous for you and them. There are however, ways you can help:-

Tell them you’re worried – be direct whilst not being judgemental about their partner, instead try and make it more about them as a person eg: “I have noticed you seem a bit different, is everything ok?” They might not be ready to talk, and that is ok too.

Create a safe space - listen to them and do not blame them for staying with the partner and/or force them to leave. Allow them to speak with no judgement and be empathetic as to why they may stay.

Take them seriously – Listen and believe the victim. Phrases such as “they seem so lovely though” aren’t helpful and it is important to trust what they are saying.

Remind them they are not alone – They may feel isolated and so it is important to let them know that you are there for them, that you care, and that support is available. Even if they seem distant, continue to stay in touch and don’t allow them to be isolated.

Be patient – it may take months or even years for a person to leave an abusive relationship. Recognising the problem is an important first step.

Recognise if they are in serious danger – If you see that they are in serious danger of abuse or harm then you can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline 24 hours a day and for free on 0808 2000 247.

Why do people stay?

Many friends and families’ of victims of domestic abuse find it difficult to understand why the person may stay with the abuser. The most important thing is to ensure that you do not blame them and that you stay supportive throughout.

It takes a great deal of courage to leave someone who is abusive (emotionally and/or physically). Leaving is something that takes time and is a process. You shouldn’t force them to leave or apply pressure as this will only make it worse for them.

Some practical and psychological barriers to leaving include:-

  • Safety- they may fear for their safety if they leave.
  • Lack of self-confidence- they may think the abuse is their fault and have been conditioned to believe that they couldn’t find anything better or that they deserve the abuse.
  • Denial- they convince themselves that the abuse isn’t that bad, whilst their abuser also gaslights them to think the same.
  • Financial dependence- they are unable to support themselves financially without the abuser.
  • Loyalty- shows loyalty to the abuser regardless of their actions.
  • Hope- hopeful that things will improve or that they can change the abuser’s behaviour.
  • Love- despite the abuse, they still love the abuser and believe that the abuser loves them.
  • “It’s not all bad”- often the abuser isn’t always mean and will switch from highs to lows to cause confusion. They may stay because of the good times, even though it is mostly bad or when it’s bad it is “really bad” (abusive).
  • Intimidation- the person may threaten to take the children or pets away.
  • Scared what they will do- the abuser often presents themselves as a victim in society and may use threats of suicide, self-harm etc if the person leaves.

What help is available?

We at Awdry Law appreciate that for many the celebratory period can lead to incidents of domestic abuse. We are here to help, support and advise.

If you are experiencing any form of domestic abuse or violence, and would benefit from advice surrounding the ending of the relationship, or obtaining injunctions, our family team offer free, initial consultations.

Other free support services available;

- 24-hour National Domestic Violence helpline - 0808 2000 247

- If you are in immediate danger – 999

-Women’s Aid,

- Refuge

FearFree Charity 

 

Cindy Ervine

Partner and Head of Family Law

Contact a member of the team  

Here at Awdry Law we use cookies to:
- improve our website performance;
- help you share our content across your social media networks; and
- personalise our advertisements to you.

To accept our cookies please click the button below, or for further details and the chance to specify your cookie preferences please click ‘more information’.

You can change your preferences at any time by visiting the “Cookies Preferences” page, which can be found via our footer. View our Privacy and Cookies policies for full details.